VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Yesterday I had a notification from YouTube, the video title said “Must watch” so I clicked on it, but I clicked out ten seconds later, it wasn’t a ‘bad video’ or had some inappropriate content on the contrary…

The video was about ‘verbal abuse’ and what it does to children, the first sentence was “seven children ended their lives because they have been verbally abused” … I clicked out because just in that first sentence, my entire childhood passed before my eyes…

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I wasn’t the girly girl of my class; I was more the girl wearing athletic clothes and didn’t talk to anyone. I was and am still a very shy person, I feel uncomfortable talking to new people and to most I appear intimidating …

I’ve never wanted to pronounce those words because I was scared of how weak I’ll sound. I’ve been verbally abused and I couldn’t ask for help, I’ve never said anything to anyone not even my parents because saying that would make me a ‘victim’ and I hated the feeling of being a victim

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I don’t think that those ‘bullies’ understand the extent of what they are doing to children, to us grownups who are still recovering from what they did, I lost count of how many times I came back home and locked myself in the bathroom to cry because I shared a room with my sister and I didn’t want her to see me cry. I lost count of how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep, their mean words echoing in my ears, I still feel those same emotions from time to time and I go back to the scared little girl who wanted a hug but couldn’t ask for it, the little girl who wanted to feel safe but never did.

 

The video was mainly about verbal abuse in school between children, which I’ve had more than my fair share of, but the kind of verbal and emotional abuse that I’ve experienced most and the one I want to talk about is much worst. If children bullying is bad, what would you say when the bully is a grown up, an adult, a family member in my case. I’ve been bullied for the reasons I stated before by family members, by adults who were supposed to be the voice of reason.

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It took me so many years to grow out of those words, and see myself for who I am and not for what they made me feel. For years, I’ve felt like crap, like literal shit on the planet I hated the way I looked. I always felt lesser because of what they said; I hated being around people because I couldn’t help comparing myself to older, slimmer and more beautiful girls. And so I practically lived in my head for a few years, completely detached from the world, I escaped looking for comfort and I found that comfort in is first of all I’m talking to you Pretty girl and handsome boy out there, don’t let them chose your life for you; being bullied sucks I really know that, but if you let their words really sink in, it can lead to horrifying results. I’m not going to say ignore it because I know for a fact that it’s impossible especially for younger people (I was 12 years old when it got so bad that I started to literally hate mirrors, I didn’t even stand looking at my own reflection), but know this, people will judge you no matter what, they will always have something to say; so whatever they see wrong in you, they are WRONG. Everyone is beautiful is his/her special way, it took me a long time to see that and truly understand it but I hope it won’t be the case for you.

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Secondly, I’m talking to the ‘bullies’ who convince themselves that it can only be called ‘abuse’ if it is physical; verbal abuse leads to self-inflected physical abuse. I was lucky enough that I didn’t go that far (back then I thought of myself as weak but now I can see how strong I actually was) but children are dying every day because of what those ignorant are saying. You may not feel like it’s an abuse but to those vulnerable children, those words hurt more than a punch in the face.

I’m not saying that I am 100% over what happened, but I’m getting better and so can you …

Verbal abuse is not a ‘thing’, it’s serious problem that is getting severe with each day passing and we should all stick together to stop it and save ‘Childhood’ …

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